Essay: The Cow - a must primer to learn the English Language!

The following essay has been around since I was a kid, which wasn't a very long time ago, and it sure has passed the test of time. I know it has been on many websites but I must share this for it formed the very base of my learning path in English. :)

The first time I came across this "jewel" of English was when I was at school. Apparently it is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate as part of the qualifying Examinations for UPSC [IAS - Indian Adminstrative Services]. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow HE IS THE COW.

The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his
basement. horses dont have any such attachment What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species., Also his other motion.. gobar is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes like Pizza, in hand , and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere... (Sorry somewhere in Bihar)

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